I have a confession…

I am self-absorbed.

Can I get an amen? (As in, you feel me and you’re self-absorbed too?)

I’ve always thought I was a very caring and empathetic person. Over the last few years I have hardened myself to the people around me. I fill my schedule with things to help other people. From the outside (and in my mind) I am not self-absorbed.

But, when you take a closer look the truth is revealed. It’s kind of ugly.

I sell Thirty-One. I love it because I get to spend time out of the house, aka a mommy break, and I like having extra income so I can buy this and that.  When I write it out, I hate it. What if it sounded more like: I sell Thirty-One to invest in the lives of women around me and to offer them the opportunity to gain self-confidence by growing their own business, and the extra income is just icing on the cake.  That would be something I could be proud of.

I head up the children’s ministry and sing in the worship band at my church. I enjoy stepping up to fill roles that need to be filled. I like to hear people tell me how well I’m doing. I like it when people tell me they enjoyed my singing. I also enjoy making a difference in the lives of children and worshipping Jesus. But what if I could say this: I have a passion to see children learn more about God and enjoy coming to a safe and fun environment and I love to help lead worship because I want to help other people engage in an intimate experience with Jesus.

I write this blog. I love to hear that someone enjoyed my writing. I write to get things off my chest. I try to sound like I know what I’m talking about (ha!). What if I could say: I write to give others, Christian and non-Christian, encouragement and perspective; to help them find their desire to know Jesus more; to let them know they are not alone in their imperfections; and most of all to glorify God.

I’m only talking about things I do, not the things that I am — wife, mother, daughter, aunt, extra mom to some awesome youth. If I were to go through those and analyze my motives they would probably be very similar to the ones I’ve listed above.

It’s not possible to be completely selfless so that is not the goal I am striving for. I want to be intentional about the relationships I nourish, to be diligent in serving others through my positions, and to help connect others to the love of God. At the end of my life what I did for me won’t matter. What will matter will be the difference I have made in the lives of those around me.

Would you stop and think about your motives and intentions? Are you more self-absorbed than you realized? It’s ok, you aren’t alone. Let’s all work to be less self-absorbed and more aware of those around us and how we can impact them.

God, thank you for showing me where I fall short. Help me to be less self-absorbed and more heaven-absorbed. Use me to change the world around me, not for my glory, but yours.  Amen.