There is this word that bounces around in my heart, mind and soul.
It is a trap that keeps me from living a carefree life.
A lie that I have grown to believe.
I hate that word, and yet I cling to it.
Sometime when I was young I bought into the lie that normal exists. From that point on I have been very cautious to stay within those parameters. How would I do that? Be a good girl, follow the rules, don’t do anything to bring attention to myself, blend in with the crowd. I will be honest and say that for the most part I’ve done a very good job of being normal.
I have spent countless hours comparing myself to others to make sure I was still being normal. And what is comparison? The thief of joy.
My husband is pretty hilarious. He will do silly things at any time, and he doesn’t care who may be watching. 99% of the time I don’t join in with him because of the fear that other people will look at me and think I’m not acting normal. I keep myself on a leash of sorts, not going too far one way or the other so that I will fit in that box of normalcy.
When Sadie was born I struggled with everything not being normal. I found myself angry. She didn’t roll at the normal time, I was frustrated. She didn’t crawl when most babies do, and I said it wasn’t fair. All because being normal was so important to me. It was foundational for me.
In the last 3 months I have begun a process of letting go of normal. I am not perfect at it. I still struggle with the fear of judgment from others when I don’t fit in that make believe box. I know normal is a figment of my imagination and a made up ideal by our culture. I know I don’t have to be normal, in fact, God doesn’t want us to be normal. He wants us to be set apart and different. And so that is what I am working towards.
Romans 12:2 says, Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Next week my husband and I are taking the youth group to camp. We are so excited to see how God will work in their lives. We always grow closer to God and each other during this week. Our theme this year is fear. I am really praying God will use this week to speak to me about the fears I have that keep me from living out his purpose and plan for my life.
Will you join us in prayer next week?
Heavenly Father, help me let go of normal. I know you have called me to be set apart because I am a Christian. Teach me how to embrace being different and let go of my fears. I ask you to move mightily in the hearts and lives of these youth and leaders next week. Let their lives be transformed, and their hearts be set on fire for you. Grow us and mold us into what you want us to be. Thank you for the opportunity to meet with you. Amen.